The Eighth Wonder of the World

Yep, you guessed it . . . the Joneses will go down in history as THE ones to discover the eighth great wonder of the world! Look out Egyptian Pyramids, Leaning Tower of Pisa, Hanging Gardens of Babylon . . . you are about to meet your match! (no pun intended, but pretty good one if I must say so . . . read on, friends)

No matter where you are in the world, no matter what hemisphere, what country, what people group, what city, what means of laundry you may be accustomed to . . .

SOCKS MYSTICALLY GET LOST IN THE CLEANING PROCESS!

Here we have recorded our research findings in photo form. I know that this is unbelievable, but believe you me . . . this is an honest to goodness real photo, no photoshop editing on this one.



Just a little "Deep Thought" to keep your mind occupied today . . . have a great day! (And keep an eye out for any matches to these socks . . . if they appear in YOUR laundry, well, lets just say we may really be on to something here!)

Good Ole Fashion American BBQ . . . kinda

Jerry ended his semester with his culture class by inviting them all over to our home for a BBQ . . . American-style . . . what's more American than hunks of beef grilled over coals, loaded with ketchup, mustard, onions, tomatoes with chips, coleslaw and some roasted potatoes? Well, the fun began while preparing the burgers for the grill . . . it was then we noticed what we were shaping into burgers . . .


Yep, you read correctly . . . CATTLE STUFFING! Oh if we didn't have a hoot coming up with visuals for that! However . . . when we told our Chinese teacher about this, she looked not surprised at all, after all, this is the meat they use to "stuff" jaozi and baozi (dumplings and steamed buns) with . . . DUH, cattle stuffing.

What WE are learning about culture is that most of the time when something just seems outlandishly strange in English, when it is explained to us by our dear Chinese friends, it makes tons of sense....sometimes more than the English if we think about it . . . that raw mushed up beef is called hamburger, as well as the Big Mac at McDonalds . . . hmmm. . . think how gross that must seem to call raw meat what you think of as a yummy sandwich?!?



Well, Jerry led the way and made the first hamburger into a sandwich to show them what to do with this huge hunk of meat . . . but i guess some were not paying too close attention . . . under all that ketchup, mustard, potatoes and coleslaw there really is a hamburger!



Jackie, the man on the right, had just finished his first hamburger and was excited to go back for more....Jerry was a proud teacher!



Well, the evening of American Culture progressed quite well and all present had fun learning about various aspects of this wonderful culture we are from . . . they even found our wedding album with the much younger version of Jerry and LaWanda . . . of course, Jerry has changed the most, and me, well they say I am a timeless beauty . . . (ok, well, what they said was that time had not changed me much . . . and i corrected their English to say "timeless beauty" . . . what's fun about teaching English if you can't get some free compliments out of the deal?)

Joy and Sadness

Today was a day just like any other . . . after breakfast and coffee and some fun family silliness, daddy went into the office, mommy began reading emails and generally catching up on computer stuff, Rachel played "fly the airplane" on our bed nearby. Simple life, simple fun . . .

And then . . .

A knock at the door and Rachel opens it. It's Hu Ayi (our helper/language tutor (as she speaks no English whatsoever!) /Rachel's caregiver/friend) here at her regular Friday time to help out and play with Rachel.

Then it happened . . .

Hu Ayi saw a plane ticket on the coffee table and picked it up. I faintly hear from the bedroom this precious little voice say "ba ba de xing xi liu de fei ji" and a happy repeating / clarifying of this from Hu Ayi. . .

And it happened again . . .

I hear this precious little voice giggle in proud excitement and then say "ma ma gun wo xing xi tian de fei ji"

By this time it is finally registering with me that my sweet little stinker of a daughter is totally telling her Ayi that daddy is going on a plane on Saturday and she and mommy are going on a plane on Sunday! When I get to her she grins this great big, "surprised aren't you mommy?" grin and precedes to ask me ( in English, mind you, because her little three-year-old mind knows that mommy may or may not be able to understand if she asks in Chinese) what the name of the city is that daddy is going to. I respond in my perfect English and she immediately turns to Ayi and translates this information in her "oh-so-perfect" Chinese....and when Ayi asks where she and mommy are going on Sunday, she also responds in that cute little perfect Chinese "qu kan yi kan Tian jin de peng yo" (which I totally understood by the way) . . . "we are going to see our friends in Tian jin" however, just to set the record straight, she should have only used "kan" not "kan yi kan" . . .

So, HA! I still have a little edge on her!! But boy oh boy does it ever sound more fluid and natural coming from her mouth rather than mine!!!

And there you have it . . . the day has arrived . . . the exciting yet sad day. Exciting because she has begun to embrace the language and it is becoming second nature to her. Sad because the day is soon coming when daughter will become teacher, mommy her student. I knew parenting would humble me . . . but in so many ways?

Why is it at times like these I feel this exasperating urge to apologize to my parents?!?

OUR NEEDS

We saw this on our friend Kellie's blog . . . and well, we couldn't resist! Go to Google or Yahoo! search and type in "your name" and " needs" and just see what the top ten things you "need" are! It's quite enlightening!!!

Jerry Needs:

1 a hobby
2 to get some kids
3 a better keyhole
4 the bucks
5 a spot on primetime tv
6 the OHANA . . . Now!
7 his own board
8 your help to put him over the top again
9 to re-examine his ego
10 to run for president

(Oh, dear!)

La needs ( because "LaWanda needs" produces nothing . . . imagine that!)

1 a team
2 to protect minorities lives
3 YOU
4 a face lift
5 producer assistance
6 a massage therapist (sweet!)
7 a fun 'n fit coordinator
8 to get back all that rampart lawsuit money somehow
9 more highways and interchange improvements
10 electric luges


Rachel needs:

1 to have a blush that is very bright and colorful
2 some good thoughts
3 some help when she enters Manhattans meat packing district
4 guidance and normal supervision
5 to join the original Jyters group
6 to throw more bacon parties
7 help!
8 more caffeine
9 to set her sights a little higher
10 to refer to web-sites, manuals and a variety of documentation


Have a good laugh and a good day!!!

Beijing 2008: Salad Engineering???

After being here for nearly 8 1/2 months, we finally had our camera handy (and enough nerve worked up) to capture this frequently witnessed wonder . . . salad engineering (read: getting the most of that one trip to the salad bar). This guy really surpassed any we had previously seen! He was quite the attraction to even the Chinese Pizza Hut patrons, not just us wai guo ren's.

Easter Weekend Fun

Rachel and Esther coloring eggs

Two students brought their own mellon "egg" to the party

Proudly displaying his "Pepsi Egg"

After two hours . . . two dozen eggs are complete!

"Devil(ed) Chicks" for Easter Brunch
how funny are these???
Front row, far left . . . the "chubby chick"
Middle row, 2nd in . . . "scared chick"
can't really see it, but back row, far left is the "angry chick"
Second row, far right . . . the "late chick"

Well, as you can see we had quite the weekend . . . with egg coloring galore from Thursday with the kids to a Good Friday Party with students Friday evening . . . (followed by a showing of that Mel Gibson movie) We hope that your celebrations were fun and fruitful as well!

An "Oh My Word" and "LOL" Birthday!

I cannot express how incredibly strange this, my first birthday in China, my 35th birthday, by the way, has been!

First, my birthday was on March 12, a Monday, which is one of Jerry's nights to teach, so I was already trying to grip the fact that we would celebrate during the day sometime and be crunched for time so he could be back for class prep and to teach. . . add to that the fact that it was Friday of birthday weekend and as of yet we had not received either of the anticipated birthday boxes from our parents, this "Love language of Gifts" girl was more than a bit sad (especially since we don't receive packages on the weekend)!

So, on Saturday I was pretty much whiny all day because I didn't get a box from America, Rachel was whiny all day because she had a cold . . . and poor Jerry? Well, he was our hero! He made us breakfast and then he took Rachel out for a few hours so I could have some quiet time. The rest of the day we kind of bummed around the house because it was so stinking cold!

Sunday was the birthday of two other ladies in our company, so we all went out to eat after our Sunday morning meeting to celebrate the three birthday girls at a place called "Happy Tom's" . . . a pizza buffet! For those of you who don't know, the great thing about this is that pizza is one of my least favorite foods . . . and BUFFET?!?! Seriously?

Then Monday . . . the big day! I woke up sick with a head cold (read: miserable and cranky) Jerry, my hero to the end, made breakfast which I was served in bed with a card sweetly crafted by both he and Rachel. . . and then with a crinkled up face he says " do you want me to tell you what the plans are or do you just want to be surprised?" Oh, like that was a question he needed to ask . . . YES! tell me the plans!! (I'm not big on surprises and I needed some good news to counter the stuffy nose and headache) So he told me that he had rescheduled his class and talked to my friend Lena who is the new president of a very nice hotel here in the city and she wanted to treat me for my birthday. She gave us (for free!) one of the three presidential suites on the 27th floor of the hotel, a foot massage for both of us in the spa, and dinner served in our room. YAY!!! Things were looking up after all . . . and they just got better from there!

The hotel room was beautifully decorated in traditional Chinese style and had the hugest (is that a word?) bed we've seen in China! And the best part?! There was a bathtub!!! Oh, I nearly wept for joy! While Jerry took Rachel to play with a friend for a few hours, I enjoyed that magnificent piece of porcelain! When he returned, we went down to the spa and had our foot massage . . . which ended up being a foot washing/leg/neck/shoulder/arm massage and did wonders for my achy stuffed up head. We had a lovely evening at the hotel, even though I was really sick and couldn't touch the wonderful food they served, and when Rachel came back we lit the birthday candles on the beautiful cake and she sang happy birthday to me . . .

What had seemed to begin as a miserable . . . "I can't believe this is how my birthday is going to happen" experience, turned out to be one of the best (and most timely) celebrations ever!

AND THEN . . .

when we returned home Jerry "ran to the office" for a minute . . . when he returned he carried with him a 25 pound box!!! I couldn't believe it! And he was smiling like a Cheshire Cat! Only then did I learn of the email he had sent out to everyone . . .

in the box was FOUR (4) FIVE (5) pound bags of Hot Tamales (and a few extra boxes)!!!! I never laughed so much in my life! (which we came to find out later all came from TCC! You guys are hilariously awesome!! We so love you!) I thought he was crazy . . . and I was quite proud of him! He is never able to keep ANYTHING a secret! ( i knew we would be going to Lena's hotel . . . it was just pretty obvious, although all the extras were a surprise!) But this he kept completely secret....

AND THEN . . .

long story "short" (oh, wait, too late for that!) There was another 50 pound box that got returned to FL and when our Field Advisor came just last week she brought most of its contents with her. . . and we got the full story!

There were cards from SO MANY people . . . some that I have met only briefly and know from email, which was SO sweet and caused me to cry to think how great our papa is to love on me that way . . . you will have a extra shiny jewel in your crowns for that!!! And I think I got the most joy out of the broken grocery store card RK because I would SO do the scotch tape thing! Gifts from my parents and some from my dearest friends which really were great because of the accuracy with which each of them depicted our friendships (clearance valentines candy . . . sweet magnets that make my heart "aww" each time i see them . . . a great book on a subject you know I love . . . my favorite chocolates that only one of you would remember and the funniest? an opened (and half empty) bag of mint kisses because as everyone found, they are only sold at Christmas time . . . I would totally do the same for you, JG!!) and oh, yeah MORE hot tamales . . . seriously, in all? in excess of 60 pounds of hot tamales!!!

Words cannot express the tenderness I feel towards you all . . . when you are this far away from those you love so dearly and have celebrated so many birthdays with . . . well, the thoughtful acts of kindness and love you lavished on me made the miles seem fewer and the memories definitely sweeter than any before!

May he bless you with his lavish love as you did me!

PS . . . we have found that hot tamales would go over quite well here in our city . . . as we have shared them with almost EVERYONE we know . . . students, teammates, taxi drivers, strangers on the street . . . LOL

Hainan Part Three: Culture is All About People

Ask any one of my Cross Cultural Communication students and they will tell you . . . "Culture is all about people, people are all the same and people are all different." It is the core to our understanding of cultures around the world and can there be anything more fascinating than people? So endlessly diverse in every way imaginable and yet all very much the same. Our trip to Hainan was a chance for us to see yet another fraction of this incredible country's vast cultural landscape. The ocean was beautiful, the seafood was delicious, the weather was perfect but the culture . . . the people made the trip worthwhile.
















Case in point. A funeral procession marched by our car. Hundreds of people marching through the street carrying flowers and banners and lighting fire crackers to scare away the evil spirits. All I wanted to do was stare because everything about them was so different. So when I stared what did I see? They were staring at us because everything about us was so different. I guess that kind of makes us the same.

Hainan Part Two: Monkey Island

A short sky tram ride from Hainan is an island filled with monkeys running free. I have been on a quest for years to see a wild monkey and in one day I hit the monkey mother-load. There weren't only thousands of wild monkeys but wild monkeys who played basketball and rode motorcycles. There were monkey swimming pools, monkey stage shows and even a monkey prison for monkeys who broke monkey laws.

Insert joke here about LaWanda getting the monkey
off her back

Hainan Part One

The Spring Festival is the grandest holiday in the Chinese calendar. Our school takes a full four weeks off so the students can travel back home to spend time with their families. Our friend (and my student) Tracy invited us to spend a week with her family and friends in Hainan. Hainan is the southern most province in China. It was a wonderful chance to build some great relationships, see some more of China, try some new foods, relax a little learn more about this vast and amazing country. It didn't hurt that the weather was warm and Rachel even got to see the ocean (one of her favorite things).

Rachel and Mary checking out the ocean


Rachel's first coconut milk

Never go on a trip with Chinese people without a
handy dandy Chinese/English dictionary

Rachel with Tracy and Mary

"My $36 Root Canal" or "Who Needs Novicane?"

For years I have been frustrated and baffled by the racket we call health insurance. It's not so much the impossible to understand hmo jargon or the whole, "sorry, the only doctor left in your network is a first year nursing student at the community college." The biggest irritation for me has always been the annual 27% premium increase (can I get an amen?)

I have found the answer!

Ready for this . . . Here it is . . . Move to China. Simple as that. I have crossed over into a new world of dental, health care options. No long hours in the waiting room just walk right in, take a seat and bzzzzzzzzzzz root canal!

The entire process took about three weeks, each one a little less painful that the previous and the final bill . . . that's right . . . 36 bucks. Granted there were a few teeny tiny downside details like that shot of novocaine that, with frightening precision, numbed the entire right side of my face except the actual tooth and corresponding nerve which were then drilled and impaled with a scrapy, picky tool. The bad however, was far outweighed by the priceless education of the whole experience. For instance, it took me no time at all to learn the Chinese words for RRRAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! THAT HURTS!! and did you know that if the little spit sucker thing doesn't work you can stuff a patients mouth with cotton balls to sop up the puddle of saliva pooling in the back of his throat? Seriously . . . I never knew that.

So, I hate to come off like an insurance salesman but if you're tooth hurts but you're worn out with the mind numbing nightmare of hmo's, inadequate copays and the endless political debate surrounding it all . . . call your travel agent right now (don't wait) grab 36 bucks and some novocaine if you've got it and we'll pick you up at the airport.

Just one quick disclaimer for integrity's sake. The picture above, although strikingly similar to my experience, is not actually me. I cannot tell you how much I really wanted to pull out my camera phone and snap a picture but I just couldn't get up the nerve. Must have been the novocaine. Oh wait.

Are you kidding me . . . the sequel

Just as a follow up to my last post post let me set your minds at ease (I know you were worried). Turns out you can get the superbowl in China (although very few people know what it is). In fact, thanks to an insightful friend (also living in China) we were even able to pull it up on the internet . . . in English . . . with commercials.

A few friends, a computer, a big stack of pancakes, some breakfast burritos (thanks to my lovely wife) . . . could there be a better way to watch my Bears fumble their way to a super bowl pummeling? All in all a great super bowl Monday (pummeling excepted).

Are you kidding me?!?

I was thirteen years old the last time I did the Superbowl shuffle. Jim McMahon, Walter Payton and Refrigerator Perry were icons of my childhood. It was one of the highlights of my early teen years and it was the season that firmed up my fandome. If you lived in central Illinois at that time you didn't dare pledge allegiance to any other team. I have never been a fairweather fan. I am a firm believer in once a fan always a fan but that was the point in my life when who I would cheer for was still being formed and the 85 Bears made it clean and clear. I would be a Bears fan. What an amazing year!

And since then they haven't won a single game! Ok . . . that's a little harsh and not very true but still . . . TWENTY-ONE YEARS I have waited for the Bears give me something, anything to take me back to January 26, 1986 and year after year after year . . . nothing. AND NOW . . . the year I leave the country . . . are you kidding me?!?

So think of me while you're sitting in front of your enormous, flat screen television licking cheese dip and dorito powder off of your fingers. It will be 7:00 am here and I'll check the final score at lunch. Go Bears! and then Go Cubs! (why not?)

My wife . . . Queen of Crossing Cultures

For many years I have known that if I had to be stuck on a deserted island with any person in the world I would want that person to be my lovely wife. It has now been overwhelmingly affirmed that this would be the correct and only logical choice. Apart from other, obvious reasons I now know that my wife has inherent survival skills that match those of Tarzan, MacGyver and thousands of baby sea turtles. First let me say that China is not exactly the African bush and we are not living on twigs and grubs. We are thrilled to have reasonable access to a number of foods and goodies imported from the West, East, North and South. However, as is to be expected any time you cross cultures, there are certain tastes that we often took for granted at home, which are now less accesible if not impossible to find . . .

Enter LaWanda. We have enjoyed a plethora (10 points for a good word) of treats that are just not found in our part of the country thanks to the incredible resourcefulness and ingenuity of my wife. For example, Mexican food . . . my wife made her own tortillas, fried them and made chips to dip in her homeade salsa and then . . . (this is the kicker) . . . made her own sour cream! I didn't even know you could make sour cream but she did and it was good. Her other conquests include curing her own ham, potroast, cinnamon rolls (the ooey gooey kind), banana bread and King Ranch chicken. I've seen her menu for the next month and let's just say I'm looking forward homemade bubble gum and dehydrated astronaut food.

Although you really have to zoom out for China to be considered and island AND it is the polar opposite of deserted AND we're not exactly stuck here, still, since there is one person I get to go through this with . . . I'm really glad it's my wife!

Potato skins smothered in cheese with bacon, homemade salsa and sour cream.

School Days!

That's right . . . our three year old is off to school. Rachel began kindy/kindergarten/preschool/Chinese language training this week. She's pretty excited about being a school girl . . . much more so than either of her parents. Actually we are excited about the chance for her to play with some other kids and work on her Chinese a little. Right now she's just going for a couple of hours three days a week. Her teacher said she is a quick learner. Next week they begin Calculus in preparation for advanced aeronautical engineering.

Mom and Ra on her first day of school.

A much more accurate picture of mom and Ra on her first day of school.

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it Snow!

This week brought our first and potentially only snow of the season. It only lasted for a day but we made the most of it. Rachel made her first snowman which was followed by her first snowball fight which was followed by her first set of frozen, red, swollen hands because she was having too much fun to notice that it hurts to stick your hands in the snow for extended periods of time. What a blast!

High five!

Frosty finished!

Some of my students came out for the party

Happy New Year!

This post has been moved to make me feel less silly about the horrific order in
which we have blogged our holiday festivities . . . sorry Shandi!

Christmas Dinner?

For lunch on Christmas Day our Chinese supervisor from the Forestry University where the Language Center operates took us all to lunch . . . for STEAK!

I was skeptical at first . . . but it sure was a pretty good piece of beef!
And then . . .

I was offered the choice piece from the chicken platter . . . and in interest of saving face and building lasting friendships . . .

Interestingly enough, the guy in the background is probably the most quickly enculturated foreigner we have met . . . although it makes a good picture, I am sure his expression has little to nothing to do with what was going on beside him . . . especially since it was HIS chinese girlfriend who offered it!

"What WAS that gushing out when you took a bite?"

Ahhh! Remeber how wonderfully this meal began? With the cute little bunny tomato garnish? Oh how quickly things can go awry!

Merry Christmas!

Rachel is at a great age for Christmas Traditions . . . We lit Advent candles each week while reading through the story of the miracle birth, We made sprinkly cookies to share with our friends, We attended Christmas parties, We told our friends about the True reason we celebrate Christmas, We drank hot cider and hot chocolate with christmas marshmallows, We all got new Christmas PJ's and opened stockings on Christmas Eve . . . and she was like a three year old on a constant sugar high . . . oh, wait! She WAS a three year old on a constant sugar high! Over all, for our first Christmas in China, we couldn't have dreamed it any better!

Here are some pictures from our holiday celebrations . . .

One of Jerry's Cross-Cultural Classes over for a Christmas party . . . hmm . . . Rachel at the center of attention? Imagine!

At the LDi Christmas party the paparazzi were out catching pictures of all the foreign teachers! I at least know three girls in this picture . . . there are many pictures of me floating around China with girls I have never met!


At the LDi Christmas party we were graced with a wide variety of performances. A favorite was the beautiful sound of our dear students singing "Silent Night" by candlelight.


Christmas Eve Stocking!!



Christmas morning with hommade cinnamon rolls just like mom used to make!
the grin is because they turned out like they were supposed to, whew!



The much sought after baby stroller! Six stores and lots of sign language later Rachel is the proud owener of her very own baby stroller . . . (and come to find out the word for "stroller" is "baby car". Would have saved alot of headaches if we had known that!)

and hey! what about those stylin' rain boots? wore those the whole day . . . just look!

Ready for church! Let's Go!


Christmas Eve Lolipop . . . mmmm!